From the moment our children are born, we are essentially teaching them the life skills and mindset they need to succeed in the world without us. Yet when they leave home, we feel a tremendous void. It’s even more significant when the youngest or only child leaves home. It’s a bittersweet season, full of both celebration and sadness.
The term empty-nest syndrome refers to the emotional turmoil that some parents experience when their only or youngest child leaves home, whether for college, the military or to join the workforce and to live an independent life. It’s a cultural phenomenon that can lead to feelings of loneliness, grief, a diminished sense of purpose and a loss of one’s sense of identity. Stay-at-home and single parents tend to feel the effects more. It can take a few weeks to more than a year to adjust to this major life transition.
Along with sadness, many parents also experience an increase in self-esteem as they see their children gaining independence. Having extra time to focus on themselves, their spouses and their interests gives many parents a renewed sense of excitement about the future.
The shift from full-time parenting requires both practical and emotional adjustments. Here are six steps you can take to make this transition a smooth one.
1. Redefine your purpose and routine
When your child leaves home, you will suddenly have more time and emotional space for yourself. This is a healthy shift, but it can be difficult for parents to focus on themselves after pouring all their time, energy and resources into their children’s care and success. Like a dedicated CEO who retires without ever having developed any hobbies, it can be difficult for highly involved parents to shift their focus to other priorities.
Take some time to focus on yourself. What do you want? What are your dreams? Who are you, beyond being a parent? Think of this life change as a welcome opportunity to reinvest your time, energy and resources in your career, relationships, hobbies and/or volunteering. Rediscover your identity as an individual.
2. Make lifestyle changes and adjust to their financial impacts
Becoming an empty nester involves significant lifestyle changes, much like retirement does. Maybe you have thought about downsizing or relocating. Maybe you want to travel and try out some new hobbies. When your children were growing up, what types of activities did you often wish you had more time to do? Now you can do them!
As your lifestyle shifts, prepare to adjust to the corresponding shifts in your finances as well. This looks different for everyone. If you have been saving for your child’s education for years in a 529 or other college savings plan, or if your child has scholarships and grants to cover the cost of higher education, you will likely have more money to devote to your own interests and to retirement. In some cases, however, parents who are paying for some, most or all of their children’s college education find themseslves cutting back on their own spending as they devote significant financial resources to college expenses.
If you have young children, we encourage you to come in and talk with us about setting up a college savings plan! It will make a huge difference in your financial freedom once your child graduates from high school.
3. Support your adult children without stifling their growth
The dynamics between you and your child will change in many ways once he or she leaves home. It’s important to support adult children while also letting them gain financial autonomy. Give advice when asked, and try to refrain from giving unsolicited advice! We know that’s easier said than done.
Let your adult child know you are committed to his or her success. Send small, purposeful, thoughtful gifts that give a boost, especially at first, when it’s easy for new college students to feel homesick or lonely. But give them space. Follow your adult child’s lead when it comes to phone or video calls and visits.
4. Reconnect with your spouse
The dynamics are likely to change with your spouse, too. It’s important to reconnect as a couple and set common goals for the future. After focusing on your child’s needs for the better part of two decades, you might need to set new goals with your spouse and strengthen your connection as a couple. Too many couples drift apart once their children have left home. It often takes a proactive effort to rediscover what they initially had in common, before they had children.
Communicate. Ask each other what your goals and dreams are now. Listen. Honor one another’s emotions and perspective. Taking a trip together can help, whether it’s a nearby weekend getaway or an epic vacation.
5. Rebalance your portfolio for the next chapter
If you have planned ahead for your child’s college education, you will now have more discretionary income to invest. With your shift in focus and lifestyle, we might need to adjust your risk profile, review your insurance needs and update your savings goals.
Becoming an empty nester represents a significant life-stage shift, and we want to adjust your financial plan and rebalance your portfolio as needed so you are ready for the next chapter of your life — financially and otherwise.
6. Live fully, and protect your legacy
As we review your financial plan and portfolio, we also want to review your estate plan, charitable giving goals and other important planning topics. We encourage you to think beyond finances as you think about the life you want to live now and the legacy you want to leave. Let’s revisit your values, wishes and priorities now that you are entering a new life stage. And then we can adjust your financial plan to match them.
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Are you an empty nester? If so, what has been the biggest adjustment for you? Have you taken time to define your new goals and priorities? What does a “full life” look like for you now? What will you do to fill the void that has resulted from your child leaving home? Is retirement next for you? If so, we invite you to schedule a retirement lifestyle planning session with us so we can explore your new beginning together.
