Written by Tyson Ray, FORM Wealth Advisors | CFP®, CEPA®, CIMA®
For generations, money has been a carefully guarded secret in many American homes — a taboo topic that families whisper about, avoid and/or ignore.
A 2025 Bankrate study found that 61 percent of Americans would be uncomfortable talking about their bank-account balances with family members or close friends.
And, according to Fidelity Investments’ 2025 Family and Finance Study, 68 percent of parents age 55 or older who have at least $500,000 in investable assets have not told their grown children if they will inherit anything and if so, how much. More than one-third — 35 percent — don’t want their children to know how much they will inherit.
But here’s the truth: Keeping inheritances a secret rarely protects anyone. More often, it creates confusion, resentment and preventable heartache.
In my 25+ years as a financial advisor, I’ve seen this pattern over and over. Families who avoid these conversations often leave their loved ones to sort through unanswered questions at one of the most emotionally vulnerable times of their lives. But families who talk openly about finances tend to experience more harmony, greater trust and a clearer path toward preserving their wealth.
What can happen when you keep an inheritance a secret
When parents keep an inheritance a secret, the reckoning often comes after they’re gone. Adult children may feel shocked — sometimes even betrayed — when they discover their parent’s true financial situation for the first time — while grieving. Sometimes the surprise is positive: They discover hidden wealth no one knew existed. Other times, it’s devastating: Money that everyone assumed was there is gone, or one child receives more than another, without explanation.
Beyond the emotional toll, there are practical consequences to secrecy. In 2025, only 24 percent of Americans reported having a will, down from 33 percent in 2022. This means that when loved ones die, many families are left navigating court processes, tax burdens, delays and conflicts that could have been avoided with thoughtful planning.
Begin money conversations when your children are young
When clients ask me, “When should I tell my children about their inheritance?” my answer is simple: As early as possible — in age-appropriate ways.
Preparing children for an inheritance doesn’t begin with disclosing numbers. It begins with teaching values. Parents have a profound opportunity — and responsibility — to teach their children how money works and what it means. Start small when they’re young. As they grow, gradually deepen the conversations.
Help them understand saving. Explain how compounding works and how time is one of the most powerful wealth-building tools available. Let them see how consistent habits today can create freedom tomorrow. Teaching your children these important lessons not only increases their financial literacy and well-being; it also goes a long way toward helping them make the most of any assets you leave to them.
It is unrealistic to expect that young adults who have never learned the value of money — or how to manage it — will suddenly become wise stewards of a significant inheritance. But children who grow up watching thoughtful decision-making, delayed gratification and disciplined investing are far more likely to handle future wealth responsibly.
Teaching children what things cost is important. But it’s even more powerful to show them why you spend the way you do. Explain why you chose one home over another. Why you give to certain charities. Why you invest consistently. Why you say “no” to certain purchases.
Money isn’t just math. It reflects your personal values. Include your children in those conversations.
Have regular family money meetings
One practical way to normalize money discussions is to hold regular family meetings focused on finances. These conversations don’t have to be heavy or formal. They can simply be intentional.
Discuss your family’s priorities. Talk about long-term goals. Encourage questions. Over time, money will become less mysterious and less emotionally charged.
When your children are mature enough, explain how you and your spouse plan to divide your assets. Clarity matters, whether you intend to leave a substantial inheritance, a modest one or none at all. This allows you to set expectations and explain your reasoning personally — rather than leaving interpretation to attorneys and documents after you’re gone.
Provide updates as your life changes. Illness, long-term care needs, business shifts and market volatility can affect what ultimately passes to the next generation. Keeping your children informed helps them adjust expectations and avoid painful surprises later.
Let your kids see you living out your values
The most powerful way to prepare children for an inheritance isn’t a spreadsheet — it’s the example you set. Let them see you living out your financial values. Be a great money role model. Take them with you when you volunteer to a cause that’s important to you.
Include them in charitable decisions. Invite them to sit with you when you’re planning a major purchase. Show them how you compare options, negotiate thoughtfully and sometimes walk away. And let them see you say “no.” Children learn far more from what they observe than from what they’re told. When your actions align with your words, the lessons take root.
Share your goal of building generational wealth
If preserving wealth across generations is important to you, share that with your children.
Research consistently shows that families fail to maintain wealth not because of poor investment performance alone — but because heirs are unprepared, communication is weak and trust is low. Generational wealth is not just about accumulating assets. It’s about transferring wisdom, discipline and shared purpose.
For wealth to endure, it must grow consistently and outpace inflation. That requires thoughtful investment strategy, diversification and a long-term perspective. We regularly help our clients structure their portfolios designed to withstand market volatility while pursuing steady growth.
The true foundation of generational wealth is preparation. When children understand not only what they may receive, but why it was built — and the responsibility that comes with it — the odds of long-term success increase dramatically.
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The best time to begin preparing your children for an inheritance isn’t someday; it’s today. It’s every day, on an ongoing basis.
Estate planning is one of our areas of expertise. Please reach out to us if you need guidance in preparing for the future.
